I've been thinking about the prospect of settling down and starting a family. Now, before you all gasp in disbelief, I've taken into account all of my goals and dreams that this is in direct opposition to. I'm going to travel and see the world. And when I'm a seasoned globetrotter, and find my globetrotting mate, we will circle the Earth in our own little caravan, like Mongolians moving to new grazing lands. On our journey, we will accumulate children and take them with us, who in turn will accumulate vast language and cultural skills.
Well, back to reality. I'm back to work at Kenneth Cole for the time being until I can find a better paying and more local job out here on Long Island (like the bank) so that I can pay my monthly bills (mainly student loan payments) and save up for when I leave the country, whether through the Peace Corps or a university teaching position in Chile. I've been captivated by Bolivia and Chile since my return from Samoa (Josie, liken it to my zeal for Brazil our freshman year) and hope to make them my first stop. My current vision is to work in Latin America teaching English for some years before I move on to Europe. Of course, since my Latin American salary will not suffice to pay my US student loans, I will have to pay them off before I skip the country, or run the risk of not being able to return to the land of my birth!
Samoa has really rekindled my childhood ambitions and dreams, and I really need to hunker down and get them realized before I become too complacent with my current situation and end up an unsatisfied, overworked, middle-aged, lonely man. |
Yeah, so President Barack Obama was just sworn into office. Whoop-dee fuckin' doo. I guess since every single newspaper has been heralding this "historic moment" for the past 60 odd days or so, the excitement might have just worn off. Seriously, what kind of world do we live in where something is headline news for two months before it actually happens? I was really hoping something terrible would have happened today during the innauguration to make all the hype worthwhile. "Aliens kidnap Barack Obama" or "Taliban Bomb DC" or "Blackout Across the Nation as First Black President is Sworn Into Office".
Oh, and then there's fucking Israel. And Palestine. And the Jews. Yes, the Jews are distinct from Israel because not all Jews give a fuck about Israel. Sure, bomb the fuck out of Gaza, kill thousands of Palestinians, bomb the UN Headquarters in Gaza and get away with all of it because top world politicians are racking in millions because their hedge funds are managed by Schlomo Wrinklestein. Hey, guess what? Israel was a fucking handout from the West because of Christian Right-Wing propaganda and because the West felt guilty about the whole Final Solution thing, and the Palestinians have no fucking right to attack the intruders into their own homes because Uncle Sam will snuff the shit out of them if they do otherwise. Whatever, just get the fuck out of my newspaper. You too Miley Cyrus, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I'm not depressed, I'm just sick of what news takes priority in our world these days. When's the last time "Farmer Joe Pulls Little Billy Out of Well" made the front page? Are we just trying to make the masses dispondent with such anxiety and triffling bullshit that they just end up sick? Oh but of course, because then the pharmaceuticals get their big payoffs.
Hopefully I won't have to hear the half of it when I go to the Big Library in the Sky.Current Mood:  angry |
Hrm...Haven't written in half a year, but now that I haven't anything better to do, I figure I'd post a wanting entry.
Geez, what can I say about Samoa looking back at it except that I really enjoyed not doing anything of significance for three months straight. Sure, I stood in front of a class of students in a futile attempt to learn them the wonders of the English language only to watch them unaffectedly fail at every effort of their own. So, maybe they aren't the brightest of the bunch, especially since the only important things in their world are family, plantations, rugby, church, and Digicel. College? Only reserved for the aspiring Agricultural Engineers that inundate the country's workforce. Any chance of furthering academic pursuits would be to study abroad in an Australian or American institution, which would be only in the means of 10% of the population. For everyone else, it's all taro and bananas.
Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed the people, eager to take in strangers and show them the fa'a Samoa, the Samoan way of life. This is undoubtedly demonstrated by their hospitality, bringing you into their homes and their hearts, including you in their prayers and their families as one of their own. Nevertheless, it can be a little uncomfortable when you are waited on hand and foot like some dignitary, while the children eat on the floor from the scraps on your own plate, but once you become one with their customs, you too will find yourself sitting with the children, eating the scraps from the next guest's plate.
No matter how much you try to assimilate into Samoan culture, however, you will never be able to escape your apparent origins: palangi (western-person), uliuli (black-person), or saini (asian-person); within the Samoan mindset. They are a people cut off from the rest of the world by thousands of miles of open ocean. Even a foreign-born Samoan is treated as an outsider, donning the title of palangi, indifferent to their obvious shared physical traits with a native. Once you travel away from their world, you are forever tainted by the outside world, a psyche that deters most Samoans from ever leaving their homeland.
One of the delights of Samoa is the ability to eat right from the hand of Nature herself. Banana, papaya, cacao, mango, and starfruit are just a few of the plethora of fresh produce that you can pick right from the tree on your property. Every day I would walk to the schoolyard right before sundown and score mangoes by throwing stones into the mango tree, aiming at the bunch with a yellowish-tinge (which denotes ripeness, or you can just feel them to see if they are soft or not if they are within reach) to eat for a late afternoon snack. Bananas, a staple of the Samoan diet, are picked which still immature (green), peeled, and boiled for a quick and easy meal. And they have more than one type of banana, and each has a distinct taste and texture. Taro, a tuberous root much like cassava, turns purple when boiled and is the heaviest food I've ever had (a few spoonfuls and I can't eat anything else), which Samoans easily can consume a pound of in addition to the bananas and lamb curry on the table. A cause for concern is relevant with regards to diabetes, as many Samoans are afflicted by the debilitating disease. The combination of a heavy carbohydrate intake and the propensity to sleep multiple times during the day lays the foundation for obesity, which is directly responsible for developing diabetes in Samoa. Polynesian Airlines enforces a policy of weighing passengers before boarding in efforts to not exceed the airplane's weight carrying capacity.
Samoan life centers around the community and religion more than bonds of blood that characterizes the West. Most villages are strictly of one faith only, be it any form of Christianity, and regularly attend church multiple times during the week. As a visitor, you are expected to attend Sunday mass, and if you don't, many villagers will express their dismay and may not invite you to toanai (Sunday feast). Many of the children that I met were completely unawares of the existence of any non-Christian religion, nor were they aware of the religion of their ancestors prior to the arrival of Christianity from the West. And very few are able to comprehend the basic facets of philosophy, where because of language barriers or because of the lack of a need for philosophy in such a culture where norms and responsibilities are so strictly adhered to. Everybody knows their place within the community and accepts it. Mothers will usually send the oldest child to college, and the younger children will help her in the home and on the plantation, regardless of a child's abilities or interests. Individuality is carefully expressed in fear of violating tradition. Fa'afafines are male children raised as daughters, so as to help a household with female-designated duties. Once a tradition employed only when female children were few, now is designated to effeminate male children so as to protect their position within the community. Whether homosexual or not, these effeminate boys are expected to fulfill the duties of women within a society, and are permitted to dress and act just like Samoan women would. However, they are not permitted to marry, and are forbidden from engaging in sexual relationships with other males. This new trend is fa'afafines seems to stem from the introduction of Christianity and it's views on homosexuality in conjuction with society's continuing acceptance of transgender roles within preexisting Samoan culture.
I realize that this post is starting to look like an anthropological research paper, so I will stop here and allow for digestion of the material. Perhaps more to follow in subsequent posts. |
I went out with one of my managers after work on Sunday night to this Mexican place for some drinks. After busting our asses working twice as hard to make up for the 50% OFF of our paychecks (that's right shoppers, your sales are reflected in our checks, so don't get your panties in a bunch when I laugh in your face when you ask me to check another store for a pair of $14 flip-flops), we felt some margaritas were appropriate to pick up our spirits and relax.
One Margarita...wow, this is a really fucking strong margarita. And they're only $4 because of Sunday happy hour? Sweet.
Two Margaritas...there's a group of Spaniards sitting next to us about our age. How do I know? Who else uses that stupid "th" sound when they speak Spanish. Sorry, I just think that's a silly way of speaking, I'll take an Argentine accent to a Spanish one any day. Wait, don't want to sound poor and bitchy, so I better not employ either accent.
Three Margaritas...Jose is here to join us. My manager gets over the original shock of finding out that Jose and I are an item within the company. Oh well, fraternization with management isn't allowed either, so looks like someone won't be running their mouth.
Four Margaritas...damn, I can't feel anything anymore, I guess I should slow down, but oh! Here comes our waitress with tequila shots on the house! ¡Olé! And the Spaniards join the free round. I start a pathetic attempt to speak to them in their native tongue, but at this point I can't even think in my own language! Somehow, my ideas are understood and I understand them too. They're all Madrileños, and two of the girls are living here working in a bank. The rest are all on vacation visiting their friends.
Great! Two of the girls don't want their shots and offer them to me in a gesture of friendship. Two tequila, three tequila...
Drunk and happy that I've made friends with a nice group of people, I am invited to their apartment for an after-party. So we all stumble 21 blocks to their place on 32nd Street. There's cigarettes and beer and iPods, and after a while, which seemed like 5 minutes to me somehow, they all decide to go to sleep since some of them work at 7am. Given, the time is now close to 4am, I gather my crew and we leave. By this time, I've yet to feel the climax of my intoxication, and slowly but surely I start falling on the pavement. I just want to go to sleep like never before, regardless of the bums and the roaches and stinking city trash on the side of the street. Thank god I didn't blackout, but I didn't want to get up, so Jose props me against himself and escorts me home.
But the joys of tequila are lived in the moment, because there's a price to pay in the morning. Thankful that I didn't vomit in my sleep and asphyxiate, I awakened to the most pain I've felt since the novocaine wore off after my molar extraction. I felt like somebody shot my in my left eye and I could barely move my body. And let's not forget about the nausea. I should've taken a few Motrin before I crashed last night. So it took my about 3 hours before I could muster the strength to get of my bed. So much for going to the beach today.
~João |
First of July! Let the dog days of summer begin...
On a different note, I might be the target of a heinous criminal Puerto Rican family. I guess that's what one expects when they threaten to hit somebody over the head with a piping hot skillet.
Paid off some hefty bills today. No credit card balances once again, travel money saved up nicely, and ready to take on the world. Now if only I could bring myself to do my laundry...
My graduation party was a blast. Between my friend Kristi and my parents slutty drunk friends, there wasn't a dull moment. Thanks for the pop-modernist Agios Christophoros icon, Katie. I just wonder how I'm gonna explain that to customs while inspecting my carry-on.
Went to Pride, and stood there watching the parade for 6 hours...including during the two downpours and wicked lightning. Ain't no rain gonna stop that parade.
~João |
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Taken from </a></b></a>![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=91.7) emarosan
Leave a comment and I will:
a) tell you why I friended you,
b) associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.,
c) tell you something I like about you,
d) tell you a memory I have of you,
e) ask something I've always wanted to know about you,
f) tell you my favorite user pic of yours,
g) in return, you must post this in your LJ.
May. 31st, 2008 @ 01:14 pm
|
| » HATERS ANONYMOUS |
|---|
I've come to the realization that it's OK to hate people. There are a few people that I wouldn't mind ever seeing again. If it was legal to kill them, I would volunteer for the job.
Who are these people? College students, mainly. Fresh out of High School. Emo-losers that make you want to slap them for hating life so much and trying to drag you down with them.
I shouldn't be hating. I shouldn't even let them get to me if I was any better than them. Do I avoid them at all costs? How do I prevent myself from harming them in their presence? Should I help them? No, it's not my problem unless it affects me, so I must be strong enough to suppress my need to react to their irritating behaviors.
As I sit at my computer and download the latest upgrades for SimCity4 in order to customize my cities, I think about the things that I ought to be doing. Like writing that ten page paper due next Wednesday. Or paying my phone bill online. How about a stinking shower? Yeah, that's the most immediate cause for concern.
I'm jealous that some people are just natural sex magnets and I'm not one of them. Of course, I shouldn't wish temptation upon myself, but shouldn't I be able to choose? Some people argue "well, you got brains and personality" but I want my cake and to eat it too. I'm not ugly, but there's this 'thing', this magnetic ability that some people have that draw other people to them in sexual frenzy. Maybe I'm just too unique a taste for most people to appreciate...at least that's what I'll believe to make myself feel better.
Money is really becoming a concern of mine. I desperately need to start saving some for my travels. No more buying lunch, and San Loco only once a month. Also, open an account in a different currency. Yes, and graduation party, must invite all of parent's friends and get money from them. College friends = no money, so no invitations for you. Besides, I don't like any of you enough to invite you anyways.
Stop limiting yourself, that's why you're not meeting the right people. Or any people for that matter. School will be over in three weeks, and then what are you going to do with your life? Work five days a week and spend time with the same guy you've been exclusive to for the last 20 months? The same guy who you blurted out while you were drunk last weekend that you were using him for his bedroom because you don't care about him anymore since you broke up with him two weeks ago? Socializing will inevitably lead you to meet other economically frivolous individuals like yourself in environments conducive to drinking, dancing and whoring. None of which will get you to nirvana, young man.
Arguing with yourself can be most tiring and frustrating. Nothing Jose Cuervo won't fix.
~João
May. 7th, 2008 @ 02:05 am
|
| » Chock full of events |
|---|
So have I had a few things going on lately!
I just got back from lobbying with the Empire State Pride Agenda for LGBT rights in New York in Albany. I got to meet my district Senator John Sabini and Assemblyman Jose Peralta and discuss with them three different issues facing the legislature: GENDA (Gender Expression Non-Discrimination Act), Gay Marriage, and Dignity for Students (protects students from discrimination by peers and staff). Though I was the only one there from my school (and I really didn't make an effort get along with the senior citizens that took 10 minutes to get off the fucking bus or the group of high school students that kept talking about two girls one cup, two guys one horse, and other immature nonsense of the sort), I didn't mind at all...I was there to do a service for myself and my community. And even though I had to stay up all night to get on that bus at 5:45am, it was still worth the feeling of achievement in the end - that sense of taking action and moving the world in a new direction.
Not soon before that was I getting home from my weekend trip to Washington DC. Of course as many of you know, Friday and Saturday were days fit for June. It was high 70's with abundant sunshine, enough to warrant a stroll around the Mall past the Smithsonian, Capitol, and monuments. We went to a club on Friday night, Apex (22nd and P St), which was fun. It was the first time I actually went dancing on my own (Josie didn't dance, she was exhausted, so I gave in and took her home) and I felt so liberated. Of course I had had a few drinks in me, but the feeling of letting my body go and not paying attention to gravity or form was the ultimate release I needed. There was a cute couple dancing in front of me the whole time, and I fancied the idea of going home with them, but I was a good boy.
The next day we went to visit one of Josie's co-workers, Sandro, and a costume shop that him and his wife own. Sandro is a crazy, goofy guy, and we had fun trying on wigs and playing with props. We ate Indian food and then went to the Eastern Market, which is much like the farmers market in Union Square.
Sunday was cold, and we met up with some of Josie's friends for Brunch. We walked around 14th Street and Euclid Ave, and wound up at the zoo. Then we ended up eating Thai at Neisha's in Tenleytown, where I had Ginger Chicken and Josie had Panang Chicken. It was delicious, and I made sure to make my own delightful Chicken Panang when I got home on Monday evening.
I don't quite remember the exact day but Jose and I broke up. It wasn't messy at all, it was more just an acceptance that we're just not made for each other. Of course, as many people have told me, this could be the first in a series of "break ups" we'd encounter until we face destiny, but whatever that means. We went to the park the next day and had a picnic on the lawn. It was there that we encountered a Russian lesbian couple and their pet rabbit donning a vibrant pink tutu.
Saw "The Notebook" tonight, and it's got me wondering: when and I gonna run into somebody like that in my life?
~João
Apr. 29th, 2008 @ 11:34 pm
|
| » I Wanna Live! |
|---|
I wanna go rollerskating 70's style with a disco ball and colored strobe lights.
I want my lover to come behind me and wrap their arms tightly around my chest, resting their chin on my shoulder and whisper into my ear the sweetest, most sensual things. Then I want to do the same thing back to them.
I want to get high with my friends on a walk through the woods and talk about crazy shit, like how how there's a 24 hour bakery on Sweet Hollow Road.
I want to go dancing without having to worry about getting drunk and fighting guys off of me for once.
I want to throw this computer out of the window along with its SimCity, Facebook, YouTube, Livejournal, etc. so that I'm no longer a prisoner to the Internet and can get out of the house.
I want to be able to understand the people that are the closest to me, so that I don't misunderstand them and end up hurting them.
I want to be able to control my gender at my own will. This feminine side of me has been out for too long, and I think it's hurting my relationship and my self-image. Come back, wild, crazy, ferret-y James. Daddy has a treat for you.
The "human sensations" chapter in my life is progressing towards a very realism understanding. Lofty ideals about love and happiness are being leveled into whatever one makes of anything. The reality is the feelings you choose to feel at any moment regardless of the circumstances. As someone I know likes to preach, you can really prevent any negative feelings from entering your mind, and replace them with positive feelings. You got fired? Great! What an opportunity to look for a new job! Boyfriend not paying you any attention? Appropriate time to take care of your own needs and responsibilities. The truth of the matter is that you can be addicted to ideals or feelings, whether good or bad. I myself am addicted to anger, and I ride it every possibility that I can. Of course, I've learned to control myself, thanks to my caring for someone else's concerns for me, but if I wanted to, I could let go and lash out.
Graduation is in May, and after that I'll probably still be working in retail. But when I'm making almost $25 per hour, why would I want to get a "real" job? Yeah, I'm gonna enroll in a TEFL course so that I can get my certification and start thinking about teaching adult ESL classes. But that doesn't have to be right away. I'm 23 and I feel like I'm not enjoying life like it should be enjoyed.
Mar. 31st, 2008 @ 11:13 pm
|
| » When will the flowers bloom? |
|---|
Granted it's not even the official start of spring, but I can't wait to see some color. I'm tired of the bleak grays and browns that become of the city from the end of November until the ides of April. Give me one daffodil, one crocus, one green sapling to bring back memories of that springtime joy.
Enough of that.
Last weekend Josie came up from DC again, this time with a friend, to visit a friend from Germany here in NY. I got to meet Katha and Florien, and a few other Deutschlanders, and together with Jose took them on a walking and drinking tour of the East Village. It was very nice to meet new people, as I've also been seeing another friend of mine, Anita, on Thursday nights with some of her friends at San Loco. It's really important that I don't spend too much time alone with Jose, he drives me crazy with his inattentiveness to me. Sure, it's understandable that he works full-time and goes to school for acting and needs time to practice his lines, but I'm talking about all the time he sits on the computer on YouTube and in forums while I'm in the room with him, bored watching TV and we go about entertaining ourselves.
Ah, well. My latest conspiracy is that he's a hustler and that when he says he's going to practice for his play on the Upper West Side, he's really servicing high paying clientele. Which is fine, but share the wealth. Remind me to snoop around his bank account to check for any large cash deposits. Funny little mind, how idle you've become.
My impulse to want to stab people has dramatically decreased since January. There was one episode a few weeks back when I came back from San Loco and needed to use the bathroom and Jose's brother-in-law was in there playing video games once again, and he wouldn't get out, so I grabbed a kitchen knife and banged on the door. But Jose intervened and nobody got hurt.
Last Thursday I got a meningitis vaccination because it was free at the health center at my school. I asked them about the HPV vaccine and if they knew where they give it to men. Unfortunately the FDA doesn't want men to have sex with men so they haven't approved of administering the vaccine to men yet. I hope they all get penile cancer.
Spring Break is a month away, and I don't know what I'm to do. Of course I want to get away, but where to? Miami is always the cheapest option, since I can stay with some of my friends down there and it's only about $200 round-trip. I could also go to DC, but that's not as inviting since it'd still only be April. Or, I could stay in NY and save up for something better over the summer. God, what happened to road trips to Mexico with my high school friends? I couldn't even get them to go to Montreal. We would just end up at a Baptist Church in Amityville in the parking space reserved for the pastor's wife, trying not to get stabbed since it was 2AM and people were trying to score drugs off us. Good times.
My classes this semester are fucking retarded. Peoples of Europe is the stupidest class I've ever taken, with a patronizing Greek cunt for a professor who firmly believes that the reason for everything in the universe is economics. Why do Gypsies take a shit in the plaza on Monday afternoons? Economics. Why do the Greek rembetika musicians smoke hashish while they sing about cities and families gone up in flames at the hands of the Turks? Economics. Human Paleontology is the same. How are you going to tell me that Australopithecus garhi and Australopithecus afarensis are two different species? Just because my dick is a slightly larger than average doesn't mean I form the new species Homo schlongus. There is variation in every species, and just face it, you weren't there to watch them fuck each other so you'll never know which ones made fertile offspring. Jesus Christ, what ever happened to independent thinking? I feel like I'm in third grade and I need to reiterate every spoonful of information so that I can pass. Don't try to think outside the box, college students, you'll only be working inside a box anyway.
Easter is on Sunday, and I don't know what I'm doing. I really don't want to go out to visit the parents, and I don't think Jose's folks are doing anything special either. There must be somewhere I can go to stuff my face and socialize.
Mar. 19th, 2008 @ 04:55 am
|
|
|
|
